The Grieving Child: Part Two

Continued

Since it was my first experience with death, I wondered could our family survive if one of my parents died. I decided that if that had to happen my mother must live because I had three small siblings. Two days later my father died. I believed for years that I caused it. In reality, he had already had one serious heart attack. I probably had been worried and subconsciously preparing for the inevitable. But for years I carried that guilt with no one to ask about it.

Do you remember me saying children transition through the stages of grief better if they have a supportive parent or supportive relatives? I was told to take care of my mother. I did, I learned at twelve to be an excellent caretaker and raised my siblings because my mother withdrew. No one really supported her so she didn't support us. How to help a child cope. Make sure that someone in the family is there for the child. Don't allow the child to experience the withdrawal of the surviving parent without knowing the reason for it. When the surviving parent withdraws this is felt as rejection or desertion. It triggers their worst fears that either they will die or someone else that they love will die. Even if they ask questions that you don't have the answer for, provide them with the security of a safe environment and include them in the grieving process.

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.